Down Memory Lane: A Child’s Prayer

“Now I lay me down to sleep… “Yes, that’s how the popular children’s prayer starts. Starting this prayer means that it’s bed time. We were to get down on our knees with our hands together in reverence to God as we prepared for a great nights rest.

“I pray the Lord my soul to keep…” the prayer continues. We didn’t know what that meant, but we were asking God to keep us. Keep us from hurt, harm and danger. Keep us from the evils of this world. Keep our minds. Keep our bodies and keep our souls pure like him. Sometimes that even meant keeping us from ourselves.

“If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take…” If for some reason I didn’t make it through the night, Lord take me to heaven with you. My pure soul belongs to you and I want to be where you are.

Then we would say, “ God bless…” and go down the list of who we wanted God to bless. We prayed this prayer nightly and as soon as we finished, we got in the bed and went straight to sleep.

Here it is 20+ years later and we still remember our prayer like it was yesterday. Some of us still saying that same prayer, while others not praying at all. Then we wonder why our minds are unsettled and sleep doesn’t seem to fall on us.

We forgot our fundamentals. As children we may not have realized how important this prayer is, but as adults we should have no problem seeing it’s importance in our lives.

“Now I lay me down to sleep…” God we have had a long day. We are tired, stressed out, in pain and at our wits ends. Despite all we are enduring, we are coming to you as humbly as we know how to give us rest. Allow us to lay comfortably down to sleep. Lay without pain and anguish. Lay without heartache expecting to be able to sleep.

“I pray the Lord my soul to keep…” Lord keep me when I don’t have sense enough to keep myself. Keep me from misery. Keep me from anything that is unlike you. We have not because we ask not, so we are asking you to keep us. If you shall keep us, we shall be kept.

“If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take…” If it is in your will for me to live no more, know that I am your servant and I’m asking you to open the flood gates of Heaven. Allow me to be hurt free, pain free, fatigue free, sickness free, medicine free. Give me a clear heart and elevate me as you see fit.

“God bless..” everyone that will read this. Give them the faith to believe your word and realize it does not come back void. God bless their going and coming. God bless their homes, finances and family. Bless them with renewed strength, peace and your joy. Bless them in deed.

God, allow all who read this to remember their childhood prayer and give them the same yearning to go before you every night in prayer.

We can’t keep thinking God should do for us like we are entitled and we can’t even go before him in prayer. You are standing in between you and your breakthrough, your great rest and your healing.

As you go to sleep, don’t forget to go before your God in prayer!

Now I lay me down to sleep; I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake; I pray the Lord my soul to take. God bless you all!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No portion of this article may be duplicated in writing or in any other recorded format without permission.

Incredible Strength

Here it is 4am and I’m wide awake. You thought I said I was tired? I did! I’m purely exhausted. My tired is tired. Why must this happen all the time?????

As you lay sleeping well, I lay here with my eyes open.

As you lay snoring, I lay counting sheep.

As you lay drooling, I lay in excruciating pain keeping me from closing my eyes for a second.

This is agony! This is torture! I wouldn’t wish this on my greatest enemy, if I had one. Everything hurts from head to toe. My neck is stiff and throbbing; my head pounding; my arms too heavy to lift; my elbows, knees, ankles, knuckles and toes are aching; my feet and hands swollen and I am just miserable. How can anyone sleep with all of this going on?

People wonder why you are always tired. Well this is why. It is simply impossible to get proper rest in this condition.

You know what though…

Life still goes on as time waits for no one, so you have to push to make it through your days.

You do it though! You find things to do to help you make it through. You find things that holds your attention relieving the stress and anxiety of being unable to sleep.

What I have grown to realize is, I’m stronger than I give myself credit for being. I endure a lot of pain and I keep going. I’m faced with sleepless nights, but I still get up in the morning. I deal with pain 24/7, but I haven’t and won’t give up!

I’m sure if you really think of your life and the things you have to endure, you will realize you too are stronger than you give yourself credit for!

Despite what you are going through, celebrate the victory of your incredible strength; stay focused and you will make it through!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No portion of this article may be duplicated in writing or in any other recorded format without permission.

Clear Communication and Agreeable Understandings

It has been proven that because we as Spoonies have to miss out on quite a few things because of our illnesses; we over strive to provide our loved ones with what we think is the time of their lives so they will never feel what we feel. We don’t ever want them to be disappointed, broken, unimportant, not a priority, hidden or just simply not seen at all, invisible.

We try our best to give them what we would love to have. We expend just about all of our spoons with no regret, because our loved ones mean that much to us.

The thing about doing this is, if there is no agreeable understanding of why we do what we do, we end up getting our feelings hurt.

Without understanding your loved ones will never see why you push your ideas or why you are so excited about things. It actually can come off to them as you only thinking about your desires and not theirs.

You just want them to be happy and to have the life you aren’t able to live. You sacrifice yourself, your spoons, your health, etc. trying to do what you think may brighten their day, not realizing in the long run you are damaging your own psyche when you don’t receive the reaction you were anticipating.

Now you are hurt no matter how bad you try not to be and you have to take time to re-evaluate everything from start to finish.

Your relationships are now suffering as a result and you just want to give up.

The fact of the matter is, communication is key and essential to making sure there is a clear understanding between you and your loved ones. Without the key you can not start the car and you will never move from the spot you’re currently parked in. Without clear communication and understanding you will never achieve unity and every relationship will be stagnant leaving you empty, alone and resentful.

I encourage you to communicate effectively until there is a clear agreeable understanding. This is detrimental to your current relationships and is imperative to ensuring and fostering positive relationships in the future, which in turn enhances your health and quality of life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No portion of this article may be duplicated in writing or in any other recorded format without permission.

Your Word

You may think that you aren’t doing harm when you go against your word. You are so wrong!!!

~

~

~

This is #freegame for today and it is not limited to anyone or anything.

~

~

~

As Spoonies we don’t have control over how we feel as we plan. As a result, sometimes we have to change the plan.

~

~

~

That’s quite alright when you have been open with family and friends about the unpredictability of your illness. You have then fostered an environment of understanding.

~

~

~

It can still be hard to adjust to and accept by both parties, but your openness and honesty diminishes the opportunity of mistrust.

~

~

~

Be careful that you keep your word and if you have to change your mind or break your word, you have already done what you can to prohibit mistrust thus ensuring healthy relationships.

~

~

~

~

I love you all with the love of Jesus! May your tomorrow’s be better than your yesterday’s!!! Love, Angel 👼🏽

~

~

~

#sick #lupus #lupusflare #lupusawareness #lupuswarrior #lupusfighter #lupusadvocate #spoonie #spoonielife #spooniesupport #spoonies #spooniefamily #spoonielove #spooniesisterhood #spooniecommunity #fibromyalgia #fibromyalgiaawareness #potssyndrome #autoimmunedisease #chronicillness #chronicpain #angelslupusjourney #chronicfatiguesyndrome #chronicfatigue #chronicpainwarrior #chronicfatiguesyndromeawareness #transparency

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No portion of this article may be duplicated in writing or in any other recorded format without permission.

A Spoonie’s New Year Reality Check

As a new year approaches, people all around began to make resolutions and declare they will be a new and improved them. For some reason some seem to believe at the strike of midnight, they will miraculously be better inside and out. They proclaim to be leaving everything in the old year and starting over in the new year.

Although this sounds great, reality says you are the same person at 11:59pm on December 31st that you will be at 12:00am on January 1st. You will still have the same bills, job, family, drama, sickness , etc. you had a minute before midnight and although you are in a new year and decade, truth be told you didn’t change nor did your circumstances in that minute.

We battled these chronic illnesses yesterday and we will still be battling them tomorrow. We set ourselves up for failure when we believe that the clock, the time, the date, will cure our illnesses. We do a disservice to ourselves by expending all of our spoons thinking we will be granted millions just because it’s a new year.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe it is important to celebrate the victory of making it to a new year and in this case a new decade. We all should be thankful and strive to be a better us daily and the new year symbolizes a new opportunity to reevaluate ourselves and strive to get it right this time.

Reality is, no at midnight your illness did not disappear, but you have another opportunity to view your illness differently . You have an opportunity to self reflect and find ways that you can improve your health. Maybe you need to eat differently, get more rest, take your medications on the right schedule, change physicians in order to be heard, be seen by the Doctor more often, take breaks, be more proactive, etc. There is definitely something you can do to better you.

No, we don’t need to name it a “New Year’s Resolution.” It doesn’t take a new year to be a new you. It doesn’t take a new year to prompt you to put you first and take care of your needs. It doesn’t take a new year for you to make the proper changes in your life that will enhance your quality of life.

The “New Year,” is a great motivational kick start, but you truly need to look in the mirror daily and figure out what you can do to help yourself.

I looked in the mirror this morning and realized my eyes were super dark underneath, my malar rash was really red, my posture was poor. Yes, we are in a new year, but truth be told, I looked worse this morning then I did last year. After looking at myself I realized I had a new opportunity to try to improve what I see and felt. I need to rest more because my lack of sleep is causing the dark bags. I need to make sure I take my meds on time because clearly I’m flaring by looking at my rash. I had to take the initiative this morning to contact my doctor to try to get ahead of this flare. I had to do some things and still have to do some things to help myself.

The New Year had nothing to do with my self care today because this is something I should be doing daily anyway.

I’m thankful for the New Year and the motivation to be a better me; however, I encourage you to not just make these changes because it’s a new year, but continue for the next 364 days to look in the mirror daily and see how you can better yourself and enhance your quality of life.

Be a new you daily; not just because it’s a new year!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No portion of this article may be duplicated in writing or in any other recorded format without permission.

The Holiday Aftermath

So Christmas has come and gone and now you have to deal with the aftermath of the celebrations. The Aftermath of being the host and having to clean up after all your guest leave; the Aftermath of everyone opening their gifts and wrapping paper everywhere; the Aftermath of having all your new things all over and your choices are to put them away or make them presentable under the tree until you are ready to pull the tree down. You see, as beautiful as the days were, there is still aftermath.

For Spoonies the aftermath can be drastic and for me it has been. I know you don’t quite understand because I looked to be doing well. I was dressed nicely. My hair was maintained. My makeup was applied precisely. I was well put together. I seemed to enjoy myself and smiled the whole time.

All of this is true; however, It took 5 spoons to get dressed because I was trying to look great for the holiday. It took extra time to make sure my hair was just right. It took 3 spoons to even apply the makeup and then extra time for the precision. I looked great and spent 3 more spoons mingling and smiling. I truly did enjoy my family, but I only started with 12 spoons and I had expended them all. I was now using the reserve just to make it home.

I know you didn’t know and that’s quite alright. I didn’t want you to know. The celebration wasn’t about me, my health, my lack of spoons or my consequences. I knew going in the risk and I chose to take it because I too desired to be around my loved ones to celebrate Christmas. There was nothing you could do for me so there was no need to point anything out.

Some of you picked up on it and tried your best to help. You said, “Angel, your right slow. Let’s get you food and prop your feet up!” I didn’t have to say a word, but your observations and calm reaction was soothing. I didn’t feel embarrassed because of my illness or that I was ruining the celebration. You handled me with care and I appreciate it.

I still came home and made a Youtube Christmas video because I’m a woman of my word, but I must be honest and tell you that was done off of adrenaline.

As soon as the adrenaline left, the aftermath hit me like a ton of bricks. Here it is the night of Christmas and the day after and I can’t seem to get up. My mobility it altered. My energy is depleted as my 12 spoons were not replenished. I had set aside this day to rest and haven’t made it out of the bed and my room once. I’m still tired and no amount of sleep can make this better. No matter how much my legs are elevated, the swelling just won’t go down. Yes, I’ve slept and laid still, but this migraine won’t cease nor this joint pain. The aftermath has truly knocked me out for the count.

The thing is, I’m so grateful to be alive to see another Christmas that I look at the aftermath as just a part of the course. I regret nothing and would do it all again.

If you didn’t see me the day after or look to hear from me, you would never know what I am dealing with. That was the purpose and although that part was successful, the aftermath has been even more successful in taking me out.

Again, don’t pity me. I am just sharing so you have a clearer understanding of me, spoonies, the holidays and the aftermath. I warned you before hand and obviously some of you didn’t bother to read it, but some of you did and I truly appreciate your efforts.

The holidays were great and you made them greater!!!!

Reality is, if you haven’t noticed, because I’m sick I score my days differently. You may feel like that wasn’t a good holiday, but for me seeing everyone around me happy was spoons well spent and was indeed a very Happy Holiday!

I hope you now have a better understanding and you can celebrate the victory of the holiday with me despite the aftermath!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No portion of this article may be duplicated in writing or in any other recorded format without permission.