Written by Marquis Derricott
When you are the spouse of someone with Lupus, times can get extremely tough. There are nights when you cannot sleep because they cannot sleep. There are times that you cannot do certain things because they cannot do certain things, and even at times it might cause frustration in your (the spouses’) life, BUT you know what?! You still love them through all of that because they are who you have chosen to be with!
Now, I have chosen to name this article Protect, Provide, Support for one reason. That reason being, as a (male) spouse, I was always taught that you protect and provide for your spouse. I mean, I can provide for Angel in many ways, (financially, materialistically, food, housing, e.x.). I can protect her from break-ins, robbers, bugs (which she is afraid of! lol), but there is one thing that I cannot protect her from, LUPUS.
I cannot protect her from not being able to sleep at night because of insomnia or painsomnia. I cannot protect her from being hungry because she could not physically get up out of the bed to get some food while I was at work. I cannot protect her from her achy joints and side effects due to the Benlysta shots that she has to have weekly. I cannot protect her from the headaches that she gets, or the fibromyalgia that she has on a daily basis.
BUT, what I CAN do is SUPPORT her through it all.
I try my best to stay up with Angel when she cannot sleep (even though most of the time I fall asleep anyway lol). I try my best to understand her achy joints and pain even though I do not have the same issues. I try my best to understand that we cannot do certain things today because this is a flare day.
Yes, at times is does get frustrating, but I promise you that my frustration is nothing compared to what she has to deal with on a daily basis.
Now I have to admit, when I first started dating Angel, I didn’t understand everything that came with Lupus, so I kind of became a butt. I didn’t understand how one day she could be okay, and the next day she couldn’t move. I didn’t understand how one day she would be down for whatever, and the next she could not get up. It took me a while to truly understand that things change weekly, daily, hourly, even every moment. It took me years to truly understand what Angel really goes through, but all she ever asked me for was SUPPORT!
When I started to understand what she had to deal with, I became more sympathetic and really began to support her, and will do so for the rest of my life. It’s not always pretty, but its real. The hurt that I feel just from seeing her hurt is unbearable, but we WILL get through it TOGETHER.
I wish that all spouses would wake up and take the same approach. It would really make a huge difference in the life of someone that has to deal with a chronic illness!
As a spouse of someone with a chronic illness, I had to realize that there will be times when you just cannot protect and provide for your spouse in the ways that they may need in that moment, but there is one thing that you can always do and that is to SUPPORT them and try to understand what they are going through at that time. Just being there for them makes all the difference in the world!
Now to put a spin on the words of my beautiful fiancé “I love you all, I love you all with the love of Jesus. May your spouse’s understand more tomorrow than they did yesterday.”
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