So Christmas has come and gone and now you have to deal with the aftermath of the celebrations. The Aftermath of being the host and having to clean up after all your guest leave; the Aftermath of everyone opening their gifts and wrapping paper everywhere; the Aftermath of having all your new things all over and your choices are to put them away or make them presentable under the tree until you are ready to pull the tree down. You see, as beautiful as the days were, there is still aftermath.
For Spoonies the aftermath can be drastic and for me it has been. I know you don’t quite understand because I looked to be doing well. I was dressed nicely. My hair was maintained. My makeup was applied precisely. I was well put together. I seemed to enjoy myself and smiled the whole time.
All of this is true; however, It took 5 spoons to get dressed because I was trying to look great for the holiday. It took extra time to make sure my hair was just right. It took 3 spoons to even apply the makeup and then extra time for the precision. I looked great and spent 3 more spoons mingling and smiling. I truly did enjoy my family, but I only started with 12 spoons and I had expended them all. I was now using the reserve just to make it home.
I know you didn’t know and that’s quite alright. I didn’t want you to know. The celebration wasn’t about me, my health, my lack of spoons or my consequences. I knew going in the risk and I chose to take it because I too desired to be around my loved ones to celebrate Christmas. There was nothing you could do for me so there was no need to point anything out.
Some of you picked up on it and tried your best to help. You said, “Angel, your right slow. Let’s get you food and prop your feet up!” I didn’t have to say a word, but your observations and calm reaction was soothing. I didn’t feel embarrassed because of my illness or that I was ruining the celebration. You handled me with care and I appreciate it.
I still came home and made a Youtube Christmas video because I’m a woman of my word, but I must be honest and tell you that was done off of adrenaline.
As soon as the adrenaline left, the aftermath hit me like a ton of bricks. Here it is the night of Christmas and the day after and I can’t seem to get up. My mobility it altered. My energy is depleted as my 12 spoons were not replenished. I had set aside this day to rest and haven’t made it out of the bed and my room once. I’m still tired and no amount of sleep can make this better. No matter how much my legs are elevated, the swelling just won’t go down. Yes, I’ve slept and laid still, but this migraine won’t cease nor this joint pain. The aftermath has truly knocked me out for the count.
The thing is, I’m so grateful to be alive to see another Christmas that I look at the aftermath as just a part of the course. I regret nothing and would do it all again.
If you didn’t see me the day after or look to hear from me, you would never know what I am dealing with. That was the purpose and although that part was successful, the aftermath has been even more successful in taking me out.
Again, don’t pity me. I am just sharing so you have a clearer understanding of me, spoonies, the holidays and the aftermath. I warned you before hand and obviously some of you didn’t bother to read it, but some of you did and I truly appreciate your efforts.
The holidays were great and you made them greater!!!!
Reality is, if you haven’t noticed, because I’m sick I score my days differently. You may feel like that wasn’t a good holiday, but for me seeing everyone around me happy was spoons well spent and was indeed a very Happy Holiday!
I hope you now have a better understanding and you can celebrate the victory of the holiday with me despite the aftermath!
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Angel’s Lupus Journey 