Will I ever?: A Spoonie’s Reality

“Will I ever?” is a question those living with chronic illnesses ask on an everyday basis. Quite honestly, we ask these questions more than once a day.

Will I ever wake up without some sort of pain?

Will I ever be able to go out with friends and family without taking 5 days to recuperate?

Will I ever stop feeling alone?

Will I ever lead a pretty normal life?

Will I ever have real relationships rather than have relationships due to pity?

Will I ever feel love without limitations from my disability?

Will I ever be able to carry and birth children of my own?

Will I ever be looked at any differently than a sick person; a Lupie or Spoonie?

Will I ever not be judged by my inability to do things others can?

Will I ever stop having these thoughts of being a burden to all around me?

Will I ever feel like myself again?

Will I ever be able to work again?

Will I ever be able to get up and go when I feel like it?

Will I ever stop seeing the hospital more than I see my family?

Will I ever be truly understood by persons that aren’t sick?

Will I ever be able to tell the whole truth about how bad I feel?

Will I ever be carefree?

Will I ever be well?

Will I ever…..

It is important for those around us to understand on top of fighting with all our might for our lives daily, we have to handle the internally daunting reality that in the current moment the answer to our question is NO!

Indulge me by putting yourself in my shoes for a moment and ask yourself each question listed above. Remember you are me and chronic illness is your reality. Can you honestly answer any question in this moment with a yes?????

Will I ever…

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